Just a little bully humor


Bonnie and Dan

Bonnie and Dan are a happy couple. Jack was merely a ship in the night.

Bonnie is a Bull Terrier. Best described as a 40-pound blunt Cheeto with stubby appendages and a pointy tail. Maybe more like a 12-inch concrete pipe with an antenna.

Rough housing with her is like playing with a cinder block. Why anyone would own something designed to "harry" cattle could be explained applying the same logic to Porche owners: why would anyone own a car that seats two, costs more than a B-1 Bomber, looks like a Jerusalem cricket and goes 140 mph...companionship.

Bonnie has tight skin, a breed characteristic she shares with bankers, so that her eyes have an oriental look and she always appears to be smiling, which she is! She is affectionate by nature and the perfect companion for Dan, a retired curmudgeon who still curmudges part time.

Enter Jack. Bull Terrier with a pocket full of genes...Bull Terrier genes, chromosomes to be more precise, in sizes X and Y, which he deposited on her uterine doorstep.

Bonnie became great with puppy...and delivered the single offspring to great expectation. Alas, tragedy intervened and the anticipated heir to Dan's affection did not survive. Dan was stoic. Jack was indifferent, but Bonnie was distraught.

The day after delivering, Bonnie was found burrowed in a dark corner of an old wooden ammunition box. For two days she lay in the box, leaving only to tend to necessities. Finally, Dan pecked into her hiding place with a flashlight and lo and behold, there lay his missing slipper. He had made it himself out of elk hide, leather thongs and braided rawhide buttons. It was wet and wadded.

Bonnie came rushing back, nearly knocking him over and lay down next to the slipper. She licked it lovingly and nudged it with her nose toward her swollen breakfast nook. For the next four days she nurtured and protected the nest. Any time Jack would approach, she'd come bursting out of the box snarling like a mama grizzly.

Dan gave her the time and space she needed to get over the loss. Although, he did ask around about when to wean slippers. By the time she recovered, his handmade elkhide footwear looked like a hippopotamus cud.

Well, another season has passed. Bonnie is great with puppy again. Dan is thrilled and Jack is indifferent. But deep in her heart I suspect Bonnie is hoping that the new baby will look as much like Dan as the last one.!

DOG DAY AFTERNOON (click here)

It may take a few minutes to load, but is well worth the wait! A hilarious cartoon from The New Yorker Magazine, November 2001

This was sent to us by Vic Phillips--we thought it might amuse.

The following breeds are now recognized by the AKC:
Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
Spitz + Chow = Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot
Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
Pekingese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work
Bloodhound + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by...on well, it doesn't matter anyway
Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that's true to the end
Bull Terrier + Shitzu = Oh, never mind!

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We all need to laugh!